I’ve been going through some of my journals looking for inspiration. ¬†Something to write. ¬†Some topic worthy of reading, worthy of writing, worthy of time. ¬†I came to a sad realization. ¬†Most of my writing has been done in a depressed state of mind. ¬†Very gloomy. ¬†I don’t like to think of myself that way. ¬†Depression runs in my family. ¬†I wanted to break its pattern, but it rears its ugly, unwanted head when I least want it. Most of my best poems were written when the sadness enveloped me in a darkness so thick that my words came out on the page in the smallest and tiniest of handwriting. ¬†Even my hand felt the grip of fear on my throat and heart.
Why do humans write poetry? ¬†I believe it’s because poetry is the only way we are able to express our true feelings…especially grief…in that guttural, clipped tone truest to our heart.
Writing, like the writing here, has a flow. ¬†Sentences ramble on but they sound normal and well thought out.
I can write a poem. ¬†It doesn’t have to make sense to anyone but me. ¬†And yet, the reader , not even knowing the story behind the words, can feel the emotions behind them. ¬†It’s there in the style. ¬†The way it is read in a rhythm like the beating of a heart, the pounding of a fist, the tapping of a foot.
I¬†need¬†to write. ¬†It’s like another prayer. ¬†A prayer I can remember. I can look back and see that yes, God did bring me out of that situation, that feeling, that pit of despair.
There have been many times in my life that, although I thought I was depending on God, I was trying to depend on myself. ¬†I was the queen of self-help books. ¬†I had a whole library. ¬†Believe me, if there was a way to “fix” yourself, I would have found it. I found myself swinging back and forth, bouncing on everyone else’s moods and feelings, as well as my own. I wasn’t acting. ¬†I was reacting. ¬†I was letting someone else be “the force”.
If I truly let God be the source, the force, I will only have Love to bounce off of.
I believe this is the key to the joy that I have been missing. ¬†All that Love! ¬†Focus on that. ¬†Live for Him. ¬†Listen to what He has to say. ¬†Remember His love. ¬†Remember He has waited for you like no other. ¬†He craves you like no other. ¬†Everything He has done in your life, since the day you were born, was done to bring you to Him. ¬†You don’t even have to wait until the end of your life here on earth to enjoy His love. ¬†He is with you always, even until the end of the earth. Matthew 28:20 (paraphrased) ¬†That means He is with you,¬†now.¬†He’s watching over you and all you care about. ¬†He loves you no matter how many times you’ve lost sight of Him.
Your goal for today:
Remember His love! ¬†Think of how many ways He is showing you His love.